Delirious

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Tear stained faces,

Blood dripping wrists,

Hearts twisted like laces,

Lost in a mist.

Sleepless nights

With demons in our heads,

Going crazy

Monsters under our beds.

So tired

Tired of fighting,

Fighting a battle we’re never going to win.

The voices in our minds

Constantly screaming,

Changing the person we once used to be.

Tear stained faces,

Blood dripping wrists,

Hearts twisted like laces,

Lost in a mist.

Winter Spirits

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   Winter was here; the wind kissed people’s cheeks and sent shivers down their back. New York always looked amazing in the wintery evenings, people never felt lonely here. As the man waited for the bus he could see the bright fairy lights hung on trees, with frozen water that looked like pretty crystals, they looked so delicate – almost as if someone touched them, they  would instantly crumble into shards. Oh and the giant skyscrapers were like votive candles to the altars of business and dominance, but they were part of living the New York life.  

The bus stopped and he climbed up. His smiling lips were chapped, his cheeks red from the cold, but his eyes, his twinkling greyish blue eyes, they weren’t swollen from the cold, he was crying. He didn’t seem like a man who would cry, but then again looks can be deceiving can’t they? He was wearing a striped grey and dark purple shirt with a plain dark purple tie that hung low from his neck. His blazer and formal pants were a shade of light grey with  a dark blue overcoat and a branded briefcase. Everything about him gave off an important vibe, someone who is always the centre of attention, maybe a leader. All his fancy clothes and expensive accessories seemed like a representation of a big rich man, but what was a man like that doing on a bus, on public transportation?

   He stood at the front of the bus looking for a seat when his eyes landed on the empty seat next to a girl and then on the girl, a pale girl wearing a black trench coat and fiery red hair that caught your attention almost immediately. The worried stare didn’t match her fierce look, but she seemed intrigued by him so she kept leering. Slowly he made his way up to the last seat, looked at her and asked “Is anyone sitting here?” She shook her head slowly. He sat down on the seat and gave her a small smile. She returned the gesture and glanced back at the streets covered with the crisp white snow.

   Out of the blue she asked “I don’t usually ask strangers such personal questions, but why – why do you seem so sad?” he seemed shocked that she spoke to him, she didn’t look like a person who would like to converse “How do you know that I’m sad?” He seemed a little speechless. For some reason he saw some heads turn from the corner of his eye and look at him funnily. “Your smile, it didn’t quite reach your eyes and it looks like your eyes are swollen from crying…” She responded in a whisper. He was conflicted between trusting a stranger –  letting his heart out, or keeping his mouth shut. “You can trust me you know, who am I going to tell anyway.” He nodded, “Just tell me what’s bothering you right now, maybe I could help,” she ensured him, hesitantly he decided to say what was on his mind “I want to follow my dreams and do what I love, but there are so many things stopping me. My parents, my friends, family members, it’s just so frustrating. I want to help the world become a better place, help people in need, bring a change to this world, but I don’t know how to I just….” He sighed,  putting his face in his hands, the strain in his voice and his downhearted tone showed her how serious he was about this. “You can’t let this stop you, everyone has obstacles in their life, you have to overcome them and rise to the occasion. Do what you’re passionate about, no matter who is against it, this is your life and your dream. You don’t have eternity to do what you want to. I didn’t get to, but I want to make sure you do. Life is about taking the good risks, making everything worthwhile. Don’t wait for the perfect moment , make this moment perfect yourself.”

  He seemed to be soaking in every word she said. “ I know we’re just strangers to each other, but you seem like a great person thank you for listening.” He said as the bus slowed down, his stop had come and it was time to say goodbye. “No, thank you for listening to me, nobody ever does.” He smiled not exactly understanding the statement, walked towards the door and got off. As he got off to meet his sister, he waved goodbye to the girl in the bus, his sister was a little confused and asked “Who are you waving goodbye to? There’s nobody there.”

 

Ambivalent

Ambivalent
amˈbɪv(ə)l(ə)nt/
adjective
  1. having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.
    “some loved her, some hated her, few were ambivalent about her”
    So I have school tomorrow and I’m kind of excited because I get to see my crush/really good friend everyday but I can’t handle a lot of the other people, nor can I manage the study stress very well.
    To be completely honest, I’m extremely lazy which is why I’m lagging in school always and don’t do well on tests or exams and I really want to change that this year. But every time I tell myself I won’t be lazy and I’ll put my mind to studies, something comes along the way like a teacher/my parents saying something horrible to me and I just go back to thinking I’m not good enough, I’m a dumb ugly fat freak, with hardly any friends.
    It’s just all everyone does is try to insult me about things I’m not good at because they think that’ll push me to do it better, but they don’t know that doesn’t work on me and only makes me feel worse. More than that I need someone to encourage me and I don’t think anyone will.
    I just feel pathetic sometimes.
    So I love all the subjects but hate them at the same time and I just want to do well for once, y’know. I just don’t know how..
    I also just finished reading Harry Potter and The Cursed Child and I loved it so much I cried, everything was perfect, well except the fact that Teddy Lupin wasn’t mentioned at all in the book.
    Anyway wish me luck for my new school year!
    – Ree

A void 

“Where hope dies, void arises.” – Leonardo Da Vinci 

Do you ever feel it? That excruciatingly painful, life sucking void. A kind of nothingness that you can’t fill up or satisfy. 

It’s hurts thinking about because it’s so frustrating, you don’t know what to do with it, you don’t know how to deal with it, you don’t know how to help yourself. It’s a vaccum, and it keeps getting bigger, sucking things out of your life, making those things null, useless, invalid.  

Like something is missing, you can’t figure out what, but something is just lost, You’re Lost.

Have I really let hope die? 

Runaway

 
Is it that bad that I’m average at most of my subjects?

Is it that bad that I’m slightly overweight?

Is it that bad that I’m not good at sports?

Is it really that bad that I’m me?

 

I’m me, can’t people accept that?

I mean yeah sure I could do better in maths and physics and try harder on losing weight.

But can’t they atleast acknowledge that I’m trying?

How can they just say I put no effort without even being in the same place as me!

They know my past, SHE knows my past but she doesn’t give a shit. What goes through her head – “oh that’s in the past so she’s over it, it was some silly teenage phase”?

Honestly, why do adults just categorize everything bad that happens during these years as a “phase” and think of it as not important?

It frustrates me and honestly I just feel like punching the wall or slashing my wrists (which aren’t exactly the best options)

There’s so much built up frustration and anger inside me, when I burst it’s going to be ugly and I’m extremely scared of what will happen.

Also why is it that selfharm is also categorized as silly? What the fuck is wrong with you, that you call it fucking silly?

There’s nothing ‘silly’ about selfharm, it’s a serious issue and if you don’t handle it with care and perceptive, it can lead to something terrible.

I wish I could shut my feelings out.

I wish I could be done with all this.

I wish could Runaway.